Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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