dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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