Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
