my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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