Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
