You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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