frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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