Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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