I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
