We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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