that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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