I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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