Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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