she smelled like a LAN party
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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