I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
