I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
