Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
