last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
