I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize