I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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