so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
