dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude i'm inner monologue high
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
