For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
