so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize