R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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