Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
