The best revenge is premature balding
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
