My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
