so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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