Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
