hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
