i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
