he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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