i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize