I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His nipple licking is glorious
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