I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize