Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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