i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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