i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
