I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize