with your own penis?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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