then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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