New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
