Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how drunk are you?
Several
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
