Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
