Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize