a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
