ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
