I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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