matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
