I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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