So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Are we still banned from the library?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
