Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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