I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
