Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
