You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize