guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
