He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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