ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
