I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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