I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
