i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
