I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i've created a new STD.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
