Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
