Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
