mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
