you would pick up someone in the library
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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