it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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