Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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