It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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