My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
