Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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