Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You ruined the universe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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