Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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