her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
