I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
