I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
