I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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