I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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