Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
