my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
