We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
