I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
