Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
