all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
