I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize