i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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