shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
