Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
