apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
