just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
