I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize