mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
