it was like eating out sand paper
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
