Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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