youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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