Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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