no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
