Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
