Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
