The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
