What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I deserve this hangover.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
