Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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